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Managing Relationship Conflicts: How Self-Soothing Can Make a Difference

Let’s talk about self-soothing, and how vital it is to the development and maintenance of any type of relationship you may find yourself in, romantic or otherwise.

Whether you are queer or straight, monogamous or consensually non-monogamous, no relationship goes without its fair share of arguments or disagreements. Conflicts are an inevitable part of a healthy relationship, especially when there are fundamental personality-differences coming in to play.

We’ll kick off this topic with a shared understanding of what self-soothing is exactly before exploring some of the benefits of self-soothing when it comes to managing relationship conflicts.

Then we’ll identify some common scenarios that may require the use of self-soothing to help manage emotional reactions.

We’ll conclude with a few self-soothing techniques you can try out for yourself the next time you feel upset, hurt, or invalidated by a significant person in your life.

Let’s dive in!

Self-Soothing as a Coping skill

Self-soothing refers to the practice of engaging in any behavior that promotes emotional regulation by oneself. Such behaviors may be considered adaptive while others may be considered maladaptive.

Adaptive behaviors allow people to cope with stress in a helpful way that is most conducive to the situation so they can adjust to their environment with greater ease.

An example of an adaptive behavior would be listening to audiobooks because you love to read, and your eyesight isn’t as good as it used to be or you can’t sit still long enough to read a physical book.

In the context of a relationship, an adaptive behavior might look like going for a walk after a heated argument to create some distance from the situation so you can collect yourself and revisit the discussion from a calmer state.

Maladaptive behaviors have the same intentions as adaptive behaviors. The key difference is that maladaptive behaviors are misguided attempts to cope with stress in a way that may perpetuate difficulty in adjusting to a new environment or situation.

An example of a maladaptive behavior would be smoking a little some thing every time you feel overwhelmed because you want to clear your head and feel instant relief, even though you know it may not be good for your long-term health or it may compromise the integrity of your academic or work performance.

In the context of a relationship, a maladaptive behavior might look like feigning solidarity, or people pleasing, to diffuse tension or avoid conflicts because you’d rather compromise your well-being then risk potentially losing the relationship.

Anything you do to regulate your emotions and increase your tolerance to stress can be considered a coping skill for self soothing when emotions run high.

Why Self-Soothing is Important

Now that we have an understanding of what self soothing is, let’s talk about its role in managing conflicts.

Knowing how to calm or soothe yourself during an argument can help you dial down your physical response and automatic reaction to stress.

Self-soothing skills can help you keep your cool and stay calm enough to handle difficult conversations with greater mindfulness so you don’t end up saying or doing something you’ll regret.

When you are feeling calm and grounded, it’s easier to empathize with where another is coming from. You will be less defensive and more open to brainstorming solutions and exploring pros and cons with consideration for each others perspective.

Self-soothing as a coping skill also opens the door to deeper intimacy by allowing effective communication to occur without heightened emotions getting in the way of how a message is being delivered or received.

By practicing self soothing techniques regularly, you can increase your emotional resilience by learning how to expand your tolerance to stress.

When to Self-Soothe in a Relationship

At this point, you should have a pretty good idea of what self-soothing is and why it is such an essential skill to have in your relationship/well-being toolbox.

Now let’s discuss common scenarios you may have encountered when knowing how to physiological self-sooth would be super clutch.

When you and your partner have a disagreement relating to fundamental differences in values. Where to live, how to manage finances or raise children, whether or not to open up your relationship — these are just a few examples of how differences in values can create perpetual conflicts. Self-soothing can help you accept those differences as you learn to work through them over a series of conversations before arriving at some kind of a resolution.

When you feel criticized, invalidated or disrespected by someone you love or care about. Criticism is a silent killer of relationships. It is often followed by its close companion defensiveness. Knowing how to self soothe can make all the difference in whether or not you take something personally. Is the criticism really a reflection of you, or a projection of how your partner may be feeling toward themself?

When you or your partner’s emotional reactivity gets in the way of a productive conflict discussion. Sometimes an argument can get so heated that one or both partners may lose control of their emotions. That would be a really good time to practice regulating your emotions to stop yourself for saying or doing something that you may ultimately regret.

When your partner decides to stonewall you and refuses to speak to you for an uncertain period of time. Stonewalling behavior may increase your anxiety thereby strengthening your resolve to push the issue even further.The best thing to do for yourself (and your partner) is to find an alternative way to cope independently of your partner. Self-soothing is especially recommended in this kind of situation.

When you feel completely misunderstood by someone who misinterpreted your words or actions. You can have the best of intentions, but sometimes your message doesn’t land the way you may have hoped. Misunderstandings happen all the time. Self-soothing can help you maintain the objectivity necessary to ensure effective communication between sender and receiver

Techniques for Soothing Yourself When Experiencing Emotional Distress

There are literally hundreds of ways to calm and relax yourself when feeling emotionally charged by a stressful situation. When this flooding of emotions happens, the brain sends a signal to the rest of the body that it may be in danger. Here are some common relaxation techniques you can use to let the brain know that you are okay.

1. Deep Breathing

One of the simplest ways to calm your central nervous system when it is hyper-aroused is by slowing down the breath.

It can be as simple as breathing in so deeply you can not take in anymore oxygen before breathing out all the air you took until there’s nothing left and then repeating the process about five times for a solid minute.

Another popular breathing technique is referred to as boxed breathing which involves inhaling for a count of four and holding the breath for a count of four before exhaling for a count of four, then holding the breath for another count of four before repeating the process as many times as it takes for your to feel calmer.

2. Engaging the Five Senses

Another simple way to practice self-soothing is by engaging the five senses. Start by naming five things you can see, four things you can feel and three things you can hear. Proceed by naming two things you can smell and one thing you can test. Then choose at least one of the five senses to further engage with.

Examples of engaging with the senses include lighting a candle and watching it burn (vision), singing your favorite song (hearing), aromatherapy (smell), indulging in your favorite food (taste), or taking a bubble bath (touch). This techniques helps ground you in the present moment.

3. Progressive Muscle Relaxation

This technique involves physically tensing and relaxing different muscle groups throughout the body, one group at a time. For each area of the body, hold the tension in the body as you inhale for about few seconds before relaxing the body as you exhale.

Practice saying to yourself the word “relax” as you relax the muscles. Notice the feeling of physical relaxation as you work through each muscle group. The goal of this technique is to reduce muscle tension often associated with anxious feelings.

4. Mental Imagery

This technique involves the practice of using your imagination to create a safe place within your mind or recall a pleasant memory that helps you bring feelings of comfort into the present moment. By leveraging the five senses, you can use mental images, sounds, feelings and sensations to help you feel better in the moment.

All you have to do is close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and think of a calming place that relaxes you. You can imagine being at the beach or somewhere outdoors in nature. You can even imagine being at your favorite vacation spot or in a whole new world where there’s not a care in the world.

5. Physical Exercise

One tried and true way to really take care of yourself when you’re feeling emotionally reactive is through physical exercise. Not only does it work as a welcomed distraction, but it also helps allow the energy of your emotions to flow through you and out of your body through physical exertion of lingering emotions that may get trapped in the body.

Simple stretching, practicing yoga, going for a walk, running or strength training are all great ways to regain a sense of self-control when coping with circumstances beyond your control.

6. Spirituality

We wouldn’t be Soul 2 Soul without this particular way of self-soothing! For us, this means turning the situation over to something greater than yourself, whether that be a God of your own understanding, or the universe, life force energy, Mother Earth or Spirit, depending on your particular belief system. Many people find it incredibly helpful to lean into their spirituality to ask for support, guidance, or direction to experience a new perspective or more aligned thoughts and actions. Connecting to a higher power, whatever that may mean to you, often leads to greater peace and serenity.

Start Cultivating Stronger Relationships Today

Self-soothing is an essential skill for the maintenance of a long-lasting relationship. Learning how to self-soothe supports conflict resolution by promoting emotional regulation. While there are many ways to do it, the best will be whatever works for you.

Couples therapy can be helpful way to work through relationship conflicts. Through relationship counseling, you and your partner can learn to communicate more effectively and better understand each other in a meaningful way. A deeper understanding of each other’s worldview and attachment style paves the way for deeper intimacy and connection. A qualified couples therapist can help you and your partner identify effective ways to self-soothe while staying connected. As you learn to self-soothe during conflicts, you eventually learn how to help your partner self-soothe too, creating more space in the relationship for empathy and compassion. 

Contact Soul 2 Soul Healing Today to Schedule Your Free Consultation!

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How Attachment Styles Affect Relationships

Attachment styles play an important role in our romantic and platonic relationships. They are the way we relate to ourselves, others, and our environment, as well as how we form romantic and platonic bonds with people throughout our lives. This article will explore attachment styles, how they affect relationships and ways that you can work on your own attachment style to improve your relationships. It is important to understand these concepts not only in order to better understand yourself and your own behavior but also in order to strengthen the bond between you and another person.

Attachment styles can have both positive and negative effects on a relationship so it is important to be aware of them and take steps to modify any unhealthy patterns. Understanding attachment styles gives us insight into why certain relationships don’t work out, and how we can create healthier relationships in the future. By understanding our own attachment style, and that of our partners, we are better able to understand the dynamics at play in a relationship and work towards creating a healthier bond.

What is Attachment Theory?

Attachment theory is a psychological concept developed by psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, which looks at the way we bond with others. It is based on the idea that our attachment styles are formed in childhood and remain with us throughout our lives. Our attachment style can affect how we interact in relationships, both romantic and platonic, and how comfortable we feel about expressing our emotions to others.

Understanding Your Own Attachment Style

Understanding your attachment style is key to creating healthy relationships. It is important to be aware of the type of attachment you have and how it affects your relationships, as well as ways that you can work on forming healthier connections.

When exploring your attachment style, there are a few questions you can ask yourself. What kind of feelings do I experience when in close relationships? Do I feel secure and confident or anxious and scared? Do I struggle with trust issues or communicating my needs effectively? Answering these questions will help you gain more insight into how your attachment style may be impacting your relationships.

It is also helpful to learn about different types of attachment and how they manifest in relationships so that you can better understand your behavior and the behavior of others. Additionally, it is important to recognize that attachment styles can change over time with the right support and growth. If you identify unhealthy patterns in your relationships, reach out to a therapist to help develop healthier ways of connecting with people. By understanding your attachment style, you can learn how to create stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

The Four Types of Attachment Styles in Adult Relationships

Secure Attachment

A secure attachment is the most favorable attachment style, characterized by a robust bond with another individual. Individuals who exhibit secure attachment are self-assured in their capacity to depend on others and seek support. They effortlessly communicate and accept affection, and can openly discuss sensitive subjects such as emotions and intimacy without apprehension. Those with secure attachment recognize the importance of balance in relationships, ensuring that their own needs do not overshadow the needs of others. If both parties in a relationship strive towards secure attachment, they can foster growth and development. It is essential to accept one’s current position while demonstrating a willingness to evolve.

Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment

Anxious-preoccupied attachment is marked by an intense longing for closeness and connection with other people, but also an inability to fully trust them. People with this type of attachment are insecure, so they may overly cling to their partner and become jealous or possessive. They often struggle with communication and expressing their needs, leading to them feeling misunderstood or unappreciated by their partners.

Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment

People with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style are independent and avoid relying on others for emotional support. They may appear to be self-sufficient but in reality, they often struggle with forming meaningful relationships due to their fear of closeness or vulnerability.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

People with fearful-avoidant attachment struggle with forming close connections and often feel like they are not worthy of love. They may create walls around themselves to protect their emotions and keep other people out, making it difficult for them to open up and form intimate relationships. They often lack trust in others due to their fear of abandonment, leading to feelings of insecurity and instability in relationships.

They often have difficulty expressing their feelings due to a fear of being vulnerable or getting hurt, which can lead to communication issues within the relationship. Fearful-avoidant individuals may also be prone to clingy behavior as a way of coping with their fear of abandonment. Although this behavior can make the other person feel suffocated, it is important to remember that it comes from a place of fear and insecurity.

Strategies for Coping with Differing Attachment Styles in a Relationship

When two people have different attachment styles, it can be challenging to create a healthy relationship. It is important to understand that each person may have different needs and expectations due to their individual attachment style. Here are 5 strategies for coping with different attachment styles in a relationship:

1. Communication

Open communication is essential for any relationship, but even more so when you are dealing with varied attachment styles. Talk openly about your needs and expectations and make sure both partners feel heard and respected. Learn how your partner communicates best – whether it be through verbal or physical communication – and try to adapt accordingly.

2. Respect Boundaries

Everyone has boundaries and it is important to respect each other’s comfort levels when it comes to physical and emotional closeness. Be aware of your partner’s needs and try not to push for more than they are ready for.

3. Compassion

Both partners should strive to be understanding and compassionate towards each other, even when there is a difference in attachment styles. Validate the feelings of both parties and avoid any blaming or shaming behavior as this can only make matters worse.

4. Empathy

Walking in each other’s shoes can help build empathy between two people with different attachment styles. Try to look at the situation from your partner’s point of view and respond accordingly instead of reacting out of frustration or anger.

5. Support

Offer support to your partner in whatever way they need, whether through verbal reassurance or physical affection. Having a supportive and understanding partner can help bridge the gap between two different attachment styles.

With these tips, you can work towards creating a healthy relationship with someone who has a different attachment style than you. Remember, it is possible to create fulfilling relationships despite having different attachment styles – all you need is patience and understanding!

Therapy for Unhealthy Attachment Styles

It’s important to reflect on which attachment style you have a TENDENCY to default to (ex. anxious/insecure when in fear of someone abandoning you) – this may not be you ALL THE TIME but there is a tendency to go back to the one that was developed in childhood. They may move between them ex. anxious/insecure when feeling abandoned and then become more avoidant when afraid or feeling shame. The goal is to move toward secure attachment and build awareness around what triggers these attachment styles and tendencies – and what steps you can take to feel more secure in them (with friendships, family members, co-workers, and intimate partners, etc.)

Therapy can be an effective tool for those struggling with unhealthy attachment styles. Through therapy, individuals can gain insight into their own attachment style and learn how to create healthier relationships. Our therapists at Soul 2 Soul Healing helps clients understand the impact of their attachment style on their current relationships and develop healthy coping strategies to manage emotions in a more positive way.

It is important to remember that everyone has different needs when it comes to building trust and forming close connections, so having a psychotherapist who understands this can make all the difference. Those with unhealthy attachment styles can learn how to build lasting, meaningful relationships with guidance and support. Soul to Soul Healing provides compassionate care that focuses on helping clients reach their goals in navigating healthy attachments in relationships.

Contact Soul 2 Soul Healing Today to Schedule Your Free Consultation!

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7 Steps to Breaking the Cycle of Self-Destructive Behaviors

Self-destructive behavior is a cycle that can be difficult to escape from. It often starts as self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy, creating a loop where it becomes increasingly easy to indulge in self-destructive behavior as a way to cope with negative emotions. In the short term, self-destructive behaviors can help you momentarily ease emotional pain or numb yourself from reality but in the long run, they actually make it harder for you to feel better emotionally and physically.

Breaking out of this self-destructive cycle requires altering thought patterns and changing self-defeating beliefs into positive self-talk are strategies that have been shown helpful in improving self-esteem and breaking out of self-destructive cycles.

Different Types of Self-destructive Behaviors

Self-destructive behaviors come in many forms and can include anything from drinking/using substances, overeating/under-eating, self-harm, sex, shopping, gambling, or even emotionally shutting down/withdrawing from others. Self-destructive behavior can have serious long-term consequences on both physical and mental health.

Here Are 7 Tips That Can Help You Break the Self-destructive Cycle

 

1. Acknowledge That You Want to Break the Cycle and Identify the Reasons Why

It’s important to acknowledge that self-destructive behaviors are self-defeating and not conducive to leading a healthy, happy life. Identifying the reasons why you want/need to break out of self-destructive cycles can be a key part of motivating yourself in achieving this goal.

Are you looking for improved relationships? Better self-esteem? A healthier lifestyle? Whatever your reasons may be, it is important to identify them and keep them in mind as you work towards breaking the cycle. Knowing what outcome or reward these changes will bring can help give you the necessary motivation needed to stay committed and focused on making positive changes in your life.

By acknowledging our goals and motivations, we gain clarity on why we are taking these steps to break self-destructive cycles and find new ways of coping with life’s ups and downs. Taking the time to self-reflect on why you want to make changes can help ensure that your journey toward self-improvement is successful!

2. Identify Your Personal Triggers for Self-destructive Behaviors

Learning to identify our personal self-destructive behaviors can help us understand and resolve issues more deeply. Everyone has triggers that set off a self-destructive cycle and can range from something as minor as feeling left out in a room of friends to something as major as being made to feel worthless from another person’s words. These triggers fuel self-destructive behavior, and understanding what they are can allow us to be better equipped when faced with them.

Doing this involves self-examination and deep reflection on the choices we make that ultimately lead us down self-destructive paths. It is not easy and requires commitment, but staying self-aware and recognizing our limits helps us keep an objective look at ourselves, so we can take steps forward toward a healthier existence.

3. Identify Healthy Coping Mechanisms to Replace Your Old, Destructive Ones

Making a list of healthy coping mechanisms to replace self-destructive behaviors is an important step in breaking out of a self-destructive cycle. When faced with the urge to engage in self-destructive behavior, it’s helpful to have a list of activities that you can do instead. Examples of possible positive coping skills include:

  • Exercise – Going for a run or doing yoga are great ways to work off negative energy in a productive way.
  • Read/Listen to Music – Focusing your attention on something else like reading or listening to music can help distract from self-defeating thoughts and emotions and provide comfort and stability.
  • Connect to Someone – Talking through issues with friends, mentors, or family can help you gain perspective and clarity on issues.
  • Practice self-care – Taking time to do something that makes you feel good can help shift your focus away from self-destructive behavior.

It’s important to remember that breaking out of self-destructive habits is not easy, but it is possible. With self-reflection, self-awareness, and commitment to making positive changes in your life, breaking out of a self-destructive cycle becomes more achievable.

4. Before Acting on an Impulse, Follow the 30-minute Rule

It is important to recognize self-destructive impulses and work on self-control. One way to do this is by following the 30-minute rule: before engaging in self-destructive behavior, take a few moments to pause and take a deep breath. This gives us time to think things through and assess what course of action would be the best. It can also give us an opportunity to practice self-awareness and self-regulation, allowing us to make conscious decisions that help steer away from self-defeating behaviors.

Following the 30-minute rule helps build self-control, helping you stay strong against impulses that may lead you down a self-destructive path. With practice, it can become easier for you to recognize self-destructive impulses and take a step back before acting on them, helping you break free from self-defeating cycles. So when you are feeling overwhelmed or tempted to engage in self-sabotaging behavior, remember to take a few moments and practice self-care: follow the 30-minute rule! It can help give you the self-control needed to kick those self-destructive habits for good.

5. Practice Self-compassion and Be Patient with Yourself as You Work Through This Process

Changing self-destructive behavior takes time and it is ok to not reach your goals immediately. Be kind to yourself, recognize that mistakes happen, and continue striving towards healthy habits. If you find yourself slipping back into self-destructive behavior, don’t beat yourself up about it.

Instead, focus on self-forgiveness and take steps to turn the situation around. Working through self-destructive cycles is not easy but with self-compassion, self-awareness and dedication you can break free from self-destructive behavior and work towards a healthier you.

6. Celebrate Every Victory, No Matter How Small It May Seem

Recognizing and celebrating even the smallest of victories is important when working through self-destructive cycles. Every time you make it through a situation without reverting to self-destructive behavior, or successfully practicing self-care, be sure to take the time to acknowledge your accomplishment and reward yourself for a job well done. This can help motivate you to keep up with your progress and stick with positive coping strategies.

Even if something as simple as being able to express your feelings appropriately is an achievement for you, you must celebrate it! Celebrating small successes helps us stay motivated on our journey toward self-improvement. So remember: always take the time to appreciate what you have accomplished, no matter how small. It will go a long way in helping you break self-destructive cycles!

7. Seek Professional Help to Address the Underlying Issues Fueling Your Self-destructive Behaviors

If self-destructive behavior is something you struggle with and find it hard to break away from, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. At Soul 2 Soul Healing, we understand that self-destructive behaviors are often symptoms of deeper issues. That is why our sessions provide a safe space for clients to get in touch with the underlying feelings and thoughts that may be fueling self-defeating habits.

Through talk therapy (including traditional Psychodynamic, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, and Solutions-Focused techniques), mindfulness-based practices, and family work, we strive to provide individuals suffering from self-destructive cycles with the tools needed to move forward on their journey toward self-improvement.

No matter where you are in your self-improvement journey, don’t hesitate to seek help. Soul 2 Soul Healing is here to provide you with the tools and support necessary for you to grow and heal from self-destructive behavior. So don’t wait – take control of your self-defeating cycles today!

Contact Soul 2 Soul Healing Today to Schedule Your Free Consultation!

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6 Daily Practices for Boosting Self-Esteem

Many teens and young adults who come to therapy report low levels of self-esteem. Plagued by insecurities about their physical appearance or social status, they tend to withdraw in the spirit of self-preservation. They want nothing more than to be their own person and think for themselves, but the risk of being ostracized by family or peers are far too great. Such inner conflicts yield a propensity for people-pleasing and perfectionism as compensatory strategies for absolving that unsettling feeling of not being able to measure up to certain ideals imposed by social norms that seem to be reinforced by pop culture. The final byproduct is a distorted self-image that perpetuates feelings of anxiety and depression.

6 Pillars of Self-Esteem

Nathanial Branden (1994), a pioneer in the self-esteem movement, defines self-esteem as “the experience that we are appropriate to life and to the requirements of life” (pp. 4). In other words, Branden (1994) describes self-esteem as your confidence in your ability to cope with the basic challenges of life and being able to trust your mind and judgement with such conviction that you are driven by inspired action.

Lisa LaGuardia Fischer, founder of Soul 2 Soul Healing, defines self-esteem as a measurement of our self-worth that answers the fundamental question: “Do I matter?” Self-esteem is very much tied to the way we think about ourselves in terms of external factors such as our looks, associations, or achievements, whereas self-worth is very much tied to how we feel about ourselves and whether or not we are good enough or worthy to have what we want. When we believe that we matter, we value ourselves and the efforts we make to achieve our goals. But when we start believing that we don’t matter, we tend to devalue ourselves and feel like our efforts are somehow not good enough.

However way you choose to define self-esteem for yourself, here are six ways you can lay the groundwork for improving and strengthening your self-esteem.

1. Develop the skill of mindfulness to practice living consciously.

There’s a reason why mindfulness has become a common intervention in many therapeutic practices. Mindfulness sets the foundation for creating awareness and using that awareness to live with conscious intention. In order to facilitate our own personal growth, we have to be able to accurately assess our environment, both internally and externally, so we can make effective decisions about how we want to show up in our lives. This is the essence of living consciously, the first pillar of self esteem. 

You can practice the skill of mindfulness by recognizing when you get lost in either your thoughts or emotions, and learning to center yourself by leveraging both to find the wisdom that lies between, what practitioners of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) refer to as the “wise mind” from which living consciously becomes far more accessible. The pathway to building a positive sense of self begins with the practice of living consciously.

“Our mind is our basic tool of survival. Betray it and self-esteem suffers.”

Nathaniel Branden Tweet

2. Show yourself plenty of compassion to master self-acceptance.

As you begin a practice of living consciously, you may become acutely aware of the judgements you hold toward yourself. Such judgements feed on insecurities like a wildfire and can diminish one’s sense of value in a world governed by celebrities, influencers, and social capital (aka the value of your network and connections). When you become aware of such judgements, recognize it as an opportunity to treat yourself with kindness and respect. 

Branden (1994) identified the second pillar of self-esteem as the practice of self-acceptance and described it as a precondition to change and growth. To accept oneself is to make a conscious choice to value yourself, to be your own friend and ally, and to fully experience reality as it appears to you. The practice of self-acceptance allows you to live in love and truth rather than in fear and denial so that you can learn and grow from each and every experience life has to offer you.

3. Take ownership of your well-being to practice self-responsibility.

Through a practice of self-acceptance, you may come to realize that while some things are well within your control, there are many others that are well beyond your control. Building off the first two pillars of self-esteem, the third pillar works to protect self-esteem. The practice of self-responsibility challenges you to discern between what is up to you and what is simply not. 

When living unconsciously or in denial of uncomfortable truths, the path of least resistance may light your way — but is it even in a direction you want to be going? To engage with the world in such a way can be detrimental to your self-esteem. Trying to control things you can’t or denying responsibility for things you can can be erosive to the self-esteem. 

The practice of self-responsibility puts you back in the driver seat of your life. When you start taking ownership of your dreams, goals, and outcomes — and even your failures, mistakes, and shortcomings — things don’t just happen TO you for you to suffer in pain but rather FOR you to evolve and adapt.

“Healthy self-esteem asks that we leap into the arena- that we be willing to get our hands dirty.”

Nathaniel Branden Tweet

4. Learn how to advocate for yourself to build your muscles of self-assertiveness.

Once you start practicing self-responsibility, you begin to recognize all the ways you have inadvertently given your personal power away by living your life according to everyone else’s standards and expectations but your own. This strategy for survival can dramatically compromise your self-esteem without the previously discussed practices supporting the weight of your ego — that part of you that thrives on other people’s approval and needs to be validated or accepted at all costs. 

The practice of self-assertiveness refers to honoring your needs, wants and values and expressing them in an ecological way that works for not just you, but also for others, society, and the world. When you’re practicing self-assertiveness, there is a willingness to stand up for yourself, to be who you are openly, and to treat yourself with respect in all interactions (Branden, 1994). 

You can practice self-assertiveness simply by living by your own set of standards and learning to say no to other people’s expectations of you if they are not yours or aligned with your values. The foundation needed for self-esteem to develop becomes much more stable when you become your own ally and advocate.

5. Set daily intentions and weekly goals to practice living purposefully.

To live without purpose means to live at the mercy of chance because there’s no standard by which to judge whether something is worth doing or not (Branden, 1994). To live with purpose, on the other hand, means using of all of the personal power you have to achieve meaningful goals that propel you forward and energize your existence (Branden, 1994). 

When you set intentions and goals for yourself, you are in essence living on purpose rather than by accident. Think of intentions as how you want to show up (or how you want others to show up for you) when completing a task, and think of goals as a specific outcome your are working toward accomplishing by doing that task. Intentions and goals are the building blocks of productivity, an element of self-esteem worth noting.

Healthy self-esteem requires you to support your own existence by setting goals and actively working towards achieving them. However, it’s not the achievement itself that proves our worth or right to exist; it is in the process of achieving by which we develop our competency to function in the world and the skills necessary to cope with the basic challenges of everyday living —taking care of yourself, managing your schedule, balancing priorities, paying bills, and completing chores, among other things. 

The practice of living purposefully, the fifth pillar of self-esteem, allows you to cultivate self-esteem by integrating all pillars to help you remain on path and on purpose through the actions you take daily. When you are productive in working toward your goals or changing your situation, you are building self-esteem one action at a time.

“The root of our self-esteem is not our achievements but those internally generated practices that, among other things, make it possible for us to achieve.”

Nathaniel Branden Tweet

6. Cultivate alignment between what you do and say by committing to personal integrity.

The easiest way to erode self-esteem is by saying your going to do something and then not doing it. When your actions and behaviors are incongruent with your values and convictions, a breach of integrity occurs that wounds the self-esteem. 

While most issues of integrity may be small (like snoozing your wake up alarm), their accumulated weight can compromise your self-esteem as you start losing face with yourself. With each lapse of integrity, you stop respecting yourself until you reach a point when you can’t even trust yourself anymore. Integrity is the only way to heal such wounds to the esteem.

The practice of personal integrity is the final pillar of self-esteem that serves as your own personal moral code. Without it, you have no basis from which to make the best possible decisions for yourself. You can practice personal integrity by clarifying what matters most to you and questioning the standards that govern your world.

Nurture Self-Esteem By Practicing These Skills

Self-esteem is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Think of the six pillars as different muscle groups that collectively work together to form a healthy and strong self-esteem.

Each time you practice living consciously, embracing self-acceptance, exercising self-responsibility, embodying self-assertiveness, living purposefully, and behaving with personal integrity, you are building a healthy and positive self-esteem.

Self-Esteem Counseling at Soul 2 Soul Healing

Soul 2 Soul Healing offers self-esteem counseling for teens and young adults who want to feel more confident in themselves. If you’re looking for a self-esteem therapist in El Segundo, please reach out to us today.

References:

Branden, N. (1994). The six pillars of self-esteem. Bantom Books.

Contact Soul 2 Soul Healing Today to Schedule Your Free Consultation!

Soul 2 Soul Healing Office
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Understanding Teen Trauma and What You Can Do to Help

Being a teenager comes with its own unique set of struggles and emotions. From the ever-changing hormones to the social pressures, teens often feel overwhelmed and anxious. But, on top of all of this, teens are also especially vulnerable to trauma. Trauma is a difficult thing to understand, but it’s important for both parents and teens to be aware of what trauma is and how it can affect teenagers. Let’s take a look at teen trauma and how you can help your teen cope with it.

What is Trauma?

Trauma is described as a person’s emotional reaction to an extremely distressing or painful experience. It can be physical or psychological in nature, but regardless of the type of trauma someone has experienced, it can have lasting effects that interfere with their day-to-day life.

Common Types of Trauma Teens Experience

Teenagers may be exposed to a wide variety of traumatic events or trauma types, such as:
  • The impact of divorce
  • Separation
  • A family members addiction/substance abuse
  • Sexual abuse
  • Sexual/gender identity issues
  • Bullying
  • Loss of a loved one

Signs of Trauma in Teens

Signs of teen trauma can manifest in a variety of ways. Teens may begin to struggle more with their ability to regulate their emotions and act out more aggressively or engage in risky behaviors. They may also start to avoid situations that remind them of the trauma or withdraw from activities they used to enjoy.

Other signs may include depression, anxiety, changes in sleep patterns and appetite, increased irritability or angry outbursts, difficulty concentrating or focusing on tasks at school, struggling with relationships both inside and outside the home, and increased use of alcohol or drugs.

Additionally, teens exposed to trauma might have nightmares about it or flashbacks that seem real. They may also become more impulsive and have trouble controlling their emotions. In some cases, teens who experience trauma might self-harm or attempt suicide as a way to cope with the aftermath of what has happened.

It’s important for parents and family members to be aware of any changes in their teen’s behavior so they can intervene if necessary and connect them with resources that can provide support in managing the trauma they experienced.

The Impact of Trauma on Teens

Trauma has an immense impact on teenagers and can have a lasting effect on their physical and emotional development.

The effects of trauma on teens extend far beyond the immediate emotional or psychological effects. When traumatic events occur during adolescence, it can interfere with brain development and limit cognitive abilities in areas like memory, concentration and problem-solving. This can lead to difficulties in learning and academic achievement as well as social development.

Physical effects are also common among those who have experienced trauma in their youth. Teens may experience headaches, digestive issues, fatigue and sleep disturbances as a result of traumatic events. Studies have also found that some teens may be at higher risk for developing chronic health conditions such as heart disease or diabetes due to the compounded stress of repeated childhood traumas.

The long-term consequences of trauma experienced by teens can be severe if not addressed properly. It is important for parents to understand the signs of childhood trauma so they can provide effective support for their children throughout adolescence and into adulthood.

Help Your Teen Cope with Trauma

If your teen is struggling with unresolved traumas from past experiences, there are steps you can take as a parent to help them cope with their pain and move forward in life.

1. It is important to be patient and understanding when your teen is struggling with a traumatic experience.

2. It is essential for you to listen carefully when your teenager talks about their feelings related to the traumatic event(s). You should try not to judge what your teen has experienced but instead offer a listening ear and support.

3. You should encourage healthy behaviors such as getting enough sleep, participating in calming activities like yoga or mindfulness meditation and setting achievable goals for themselves each day.

4. It can be helpful for parents/caregivers to encourage teens who are struggling with trauma-related effects to seek professional help such as teen therapy.

5. It is essential that parents/caregivers practice self-care so you can provide better care for your teen during stressful times – taking regular breaks away from being with your teen if possible; staying connected with family/friends; exercising regularly; eating healthy foods; engaging in calming activities like deep breathing exercises; seeking out professional support if needed.

Teen Therapy & Treatment Options

If your teen is displaying any signs of trauma, then teen therapy would likely benefit them greatly. Soul 2 Soul Healing provides a safe space for your teen to talk about their experiences without feeling judged, allowing them the opportunity to process their emotions and work through any underlying issues causing them distress.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for Trauma

Cognitive behavioral therapy, sometimes referred to as CBT, is a form of psychotherapy that focuses on how people think about and react to situations. It places emphasis on understanding the connection between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By focusing on this connection, it helps individuals identify and change any unhealthy thought patterns or behaviors that are hindering their progress towards positive mental health.

How Can CBT Help Teenagers with Trauma?

CBT can be incredibly helpful for teens dealing with trauma because it encourages them to face their emotions head-on. This can be beneficial for teenagers who may be struggling to deal with the aftermath of a traumatic event. Through CBT, teens can work through their grief in a safe environment where they will receive support from a trained professional.

In addition to helping teens process their emotions in a healthy way, CBT also teaches them coping strategies to help manage their emotions in stressful situations. These techniques include deep breathing exercises and mindfulness meditation techniques which can help reduce stress levels and promote relaxation. These tools can be invaluable when it comes to managing anxiety or depression that may stem from traumatic experiences.

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy for Trauma

DBT is an evidence-based form of psychotherapy developed by Marsha Linehan in the 1980s. It combines cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) with mindfulness practices to help people become more aware of their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. The main goal of DBT is to help teens understand why they feel the way they do, so that they can develop healthy coping mechanisms for managing their emotions.

The Benefits of DBT For Teenagers Struggling with Trauma

One of the most important benefits of DBT for teenagers struggling with trauma is that it helps them create better relationships with themselves and others. Through DBT, teens can learn how to become more mindful and aware of their thoughts and feelings, as well as those around them. This can lead to improved communication within relationships and better overall emotional regulation. Additionally, DBT teaches teens strategies for dealing with difficult emotions such as anger, fear, or sadness in healthier ways – rather than relying on self-destructive habits like substance abuse or disordered eating.

Another benefit of DBT is that it helps teach teens how to set realistic expectations for themselves when it comes to responding to challenging situations or even traumatic events in their lives. This means they will be less likely to give up when faced with difficult problems or experiences because they will have learned how to manage these emotions in productive ways instead. Finally, DBT encourages teens to be kinder towards themselves – something we all need more practice doing!

Therapy for Teens in El Segundo, Ca

Trauma can have a profound effect on teenagers at a time when they are already trying their best to navigate teenage life successfully. Learning how to recognize potential warning signs early on is key so that appropriate treatment options can be pursued quickly before things spiral out of control. If you suspect your teenager might be struggling with unresolved trauma, then seeking professional help right away could make all the difference not only now but also throughout their future lives as well!

Contact Soul 2 Soul Healing Today to Schedule Your Free Consultation!

Soul 2 Soul Healing Office
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8 Signs Your Teen Should See a Therapist

Teen mental health is an incredibly important topic for adolescents and their families. The teenage years are full of emotional, overwhelming, and sometimes painful experiences. Parents may write off their child’s behavior as typical teen rebellion or adolescent hormones. You hate to see your teen struggle, and you want to believe that they’ll simply grow out of it. In some cases, though, there are more serious issues at play.

Therapy is a valuable resource for teenagers who are facing mental health concerns. Most teens don’t want to open up to their parents about their emotions, but they may feel more comfortable when working with a professional. Recognizing the need for therapy for teens is one of the best things you can do as a parent to protect your child’s mental health.

Here Are Eight Signs Your Teen Should See a Therapist

 

1. They’ve been lashing out.

Occasional angry outbursts from your teen are normal. Adolescence is a stressful and turbulent time, and your child may lash out when they don’t have a better outlet for expressing their emotions.

Frequent outbursts may be a sign of an underlying mental health issue, though. Anger and irritability can be a cover for stress, anxiety, fear, shame, or other painful emotions. Irritability is one of the key symptoms for children, struggling with depression. If you’ve noticed that your teen has an extremely short fuse all the time, it may be time to try therapy. In therapy, your child can explore the cause of their anger and learn healthier coping skills so that they can handle the stressful moments in their life without lashing out.

2. They’re socially isolated.

The teenage years usually bring about a major social transition. Teens go from leaning on their parents for emotional support to relying on their friends. Your child needs strong and trusting friendships as they go through adolescence. While being introverted and valuing your alone time is perfectly normal and healthy, being completely isolated is not.

Social isolation can be especially concerning if you’ve noticed that your child has recently withdrawn from their friends. Maybe there’s bullying at play, or maybe your teen is isolating themselves as a result of depression or another mental health issue. Whatever the reason, therapy for teens is an opportunity for your child to gain an understanding of their social needs and how they can meet those needs.

3. They have low self-esteem.

Low self-esteem is one of the most common mental health challenges teenagers face, especially in the age of social media. Teens are always comparing themselves to their peers. Constantly feeling like you don’t measure up to friends or classmates can be
extremely painful.

Your child may fixate on their perceived flaws or poke fun at themselves relentlessly. Self-deprecating humor can be harmless sometimes, but your teen may be struggling with their mental health if they’re always criticizing themselves. Therapy can help them learn how to dismiss the negative self-talk and treat themselves with more compassion.

4. Their performance in school is slipping.

Students are sometimes held to impossibly high standards, which only leads to more stress and anxiety. You shouldn’t expect your child to perform perfectly in school. However, a significant decline in their grades or a loss of interest in their extracurriculars can be a sign that something’s wrong.

Depression causes a lack of motivation and decreased interest in hobbies. If your teen seems to stop caring about school, they might be so emotionally fatigued that they just don’t have the energy to try anymore. Therapy can help your child figure out why they’re struggling with school, and it can encourage them to process and release the negative emotions that are holding them back.

5. They’re developing unhealthy habits.

A change in sleeping, eating, or grooming habits is a common sign of a mental health issue. When you’re struggling with your mental health, you may engage in unhealthy habits like overeating or oversleeping as a form of coping. It’s also hard to take good care of yourself when you’re constantly fighting off negative thoughts and emotions.

You might notice that your teen isn’t showering as frequently or has started wearing old or mismatched clothes. They may overeat, skip meals, or only eat unhealthy foods. Any decline in self-care can be cause for concern and may be worth addressing in therapy. Be careful when bringing this up with your teen, though, as you don’t want them to feel like you’re shaming them.

6. They’ve been through a trauma or major transition.

Trauma is painful at any age, but it’s especially hard to process as a teenager. Unresolved trauma can lead to depression, anxiety, social isolation, risky behavior, and so many other issues. Whether your teen recently went through trauma or experienced a traumatic event as a younger child, going to therapy is an important step in the healing process.

Similarly, going through a major life transition as a teenager can have mental health consequences. A move, a change in schools, a death in the family, the loss of a pet or the remarriage of a parent can all dramatically affect your teen’s life and emotional well-being. Therapy for teens provides a safe, private environment for them to process these changes.

7. They’ve been talking about death or suicide.

Speaking frequently about death or dying is one of the most important signs your teen should see a therapist. When someone’s struggling with suicidal ideation, it often comes out in their words. Your child might sound like they’re just making a dark joke, but even offhand comments about dying need to be taken seriously.

If you’re concerned that your child is in immediate danger, you should call 911 or 988 for the crisis lifeline. If they’re not in an acute crisis but are struggling with suicidality, therapy for teens is essential. They may feel like they can’t escape their suicidal thoughts, but therapy can help them overcome the harmful beliefs and emotions that are causing them so much pain.

8. Marijuana, Alcohol Use and Vaping

The use of marijuana, alcohol, vaping and other drugs is frequently the sole means of escape for many unhappy teenagers. They can feel better, less stressed, and more able to manage by temporarily reliving their depressive symptoms. Unfortunately, marijuana usage worsens the signs and symptoms of depression and increases the risk of more severe mental illnesses.

Therapy for Teens in El Segundo

Soul 2 Soul Healing offers therapy for teens. We understand how painful it can be to see your child struggle with their mental health, and we’re here to help. Whether they have a diagnosed mental health disorder or just need extra support navigating challenges at school or home, therapy can equip them with the coping skills they need to thrive. Please reach out to us today to learn more about how our teen therapy services can help your family.

Contact Soul 2 Soul Healing Today to Schedule Your Free Consultation!

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6 Benefits of Family Therapy

The roles and relationships within a family unit can be complicated. Although family members often share similarities, everyone’s style of communication and conflict resolution differs. Even the healthiest, most loving families run into challenges from time to time. If it’s becoming too difficult to manage the conflict on your own, family therapy can help.

Family therapy is a powerful opportunity to explore your family dynamics and strengthen your bonds. Many families only reach out to a family therapist when they’re facing a crisis, but the skills and insight you gain from counseling can last a lifetime. If you and your family are struggling with conflict, you should understand why family therapy is important and what skills you can expect to gain from the experience.

Here Are Six Benefits of Family Therapy


1. Understand the Root of Family Conflict


When you’re experiencing an acute family crisis, you might look for one person to blame or one simple explanation for the problem. However, family conflict almost always stems from incredibly nuanced issues. You can try to come to a resolution for the specific problem you’re currently facing, but addressing the root of the issue will provide long-term results.

Your family therapist will help you explore the root of your unhealthy family dynamics. Unhelpful thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors from all family members can contribute to conflict. The goal of family therapy is never to assign blame to one person. Instead, you’ll try to understand how everyone relates to one another and how certain patterns can result in harm.

2. Learn Effective Conflict Resolution Skills


In most cases, families attend family therapy when they’ve tried to resolve conflict on their own without success. You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells around certain family members or like every attempt to address a problem ends in a fight. When your own efforts to make peace are only making the issue worse, it’s time for a family therapist to step in.

Your counselor will not tell you what to do or find a solution for you. However, they will encourage healthy, productive discussion that will lead you and your family to a resolution. Family therapy is a safe, structured, and supportive environment where everyone has an opportunity to speak and be heard. When the conversation starts to veer off course, your therapist will help you get back on track. Through this experience, you and your family will learn how to resolve conflict successfully without starting a fight. Then, you can continue to apply these skills on your own.

3. Improve Communication Skills


Developing strong communication skills is one of the greatest benefits of family therapy. Not only does good communication help you resolve conflict, but it often stops conflict from happening in the first place. Difficulty communicating is at the root of so many family issues. Some family members silently let their frustration build up until they suddenly explode, and others may rush to confrontation at the first sign of a problem.

To maintain a happy and healthy family, everyone needs to know how to clearly, calmly, and constructively explain their concerns. Your family therapist will help each of you understand your unique communication styles and how you can improve your communication to reduce conflict. For instance, one of the most common skills clients work on in family therapy is switching from “you” statements to “I” statements. This helps the individual focus on how they feel and what they need instead of being accusatory toward someone else.

4. Set and Maintain Healthy Boundaries


Lack of boundaries is a major cause for concern in so many families. If you struggle to maintain your boundaries, you probably feel like you’re always sacrificing yourself for your family. If you struggle to respect others’ boundaries, you may find yourself caught up in conflict more often than you’d like.

Learning to define your own boundaries and respect your family’s boundaries will greatly improve your relationships. Boundaries are limits that you set to maintain your own mental health. When you set clear, effective boundaries, you protect yourself from conflict within your family unit. When you honor a family member’s boundaries, you show them that you care about their well-being.

5. Let Everyone Feel Seen and Heard


Everyone’s voice in your family matters. In many family units, though, some individuals are much more vocal than others. This can be especially challenging when you’re experiencing an active conflict. When one person dominates the discussion, it’s impossible to find a fair and healthy resolution.

In family therapy, everyone has an opportunity to speak and be heard. Your therapist will not only give each individual a chance to express themselves, but they’ll also make sure the rest of the family is actively listening. For some people, family therapy feels like the first time their relatives have actually acknowledged their concerns. Everybody deserves to feel seen, and counseling provides a chance for each family member to receive validation.

6. Create Stronger Bonds


Family therapy can help you address conflict and move forward from a crisis, but it also is an opportunity for you to grow closer together overall. Your counseling sessions are your time to truly listen and empathize with your family. Many families report that they feel a stronger bond after attending therapy. You might feel more comfortable opening up to your family or leaning on them for support when you’re struggling. Feeling a closer and more secure bond with your family has powerful benefits for your mental health.

Working with a family therapist may be a vulnerable experience, but it offers so much value. You and your family can resolve conflicts, learn to communicate effectively, and strengthen your relationships. Family stress can destroy your emotional health, but therapy may be the solution.

Family Therapy at Soul 2 Soul Healing


Soul 2 Soul Healing offers family therapy for families who are ready to resolve conflict and work toward stronger, healthier communication. If you’re looking for a family therapist in El Segundo, please reach out to us today.

Contact Soul 2 Soul Healing Today to Schedule Your Free Consultation!

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How to Cope With Grief and Loss as a Couple

Grief is one of the most painful life experiences you can go through, and the grieving process can take a significant toll on any relationship. Maybe you lost someone close to you and your partner isn’t sure how to respond to your grief. Maybe your partner lost a loved one and you’re trying to show support without being overbearing. Sometimes, a couple both grieves the same person. No matter what you’re going through, grief has the power to change the dynamic of your relationship.

Knowing how to cope with grief and loss as a couple is the key to getting through this tragic event without drifting apart. As always, communication is so important for every couple. Whether you’re experiencing grief yourself or watching your partner move through the grieving process, openness and honesty will help you maintain a strong relationship.

What to Expect as You Grieve

Grief is a complicated emotional process that unfolds differently for everyone. Many people are familiar with the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. However, grief is rarely if ever this predictable.

Mourning is not a linear process. You shouldn’t expect yourself to move seamlessly from anger to sadness to acceptance. One day, you might be overcome with feelings of hopelessness. The next, you may feel completely numb and disconnected from your loss. The emotions can fluctuate from day to day or even from hour to hour. You can practice self-compassion by allowing yourself to move through your emotions without trying to force them into a specific timeline.

Helping a Partner Through the Grieving Process

Seeing your partner in grief can be incredibly difficult. You don’t want them to be in pain, and you hate feeling powerless to stop their grief. There’s no controlling grief, though, so you simply have to let your partner move through the process. Here are three things you can do if your partner is experiencing grief:

Step back and listen.

It’s natural to see someone in pain and to want to “fix” the problem. When your partner expresses their grief, your first impulse may be to try to make them feel better or make their pain go away. However, they have to feel their grief in order to truly process it.

When your partner is grieving, resist the urge to find a solution. Instead, just be a steady and comforting presence. If your partner wants to talk about their grief, offer a listening ear. If they don’t want to talk, become comfortable with silence.

Show practical support.

Grief greatly impacts your ability to take care of other areas of your life. You can show support to your partner by taking on the tasks that they’re too drained to handle. You could cook meals, complete chores around the house, schedule appointments, or take care of any other day-to-day tasks so that your partner can navigate the grieving process without feeling like their entire life is falling apart.

Be patient.

Grief doesn’t happen on a linear timeline, and no two people experience grief in exactly the same way. When your partner is grieving, resist the urge to find a solution. Instead, just be a steady and comforting presence. If your partner wants to talk about their grief, offer a listening ear. If they don’t want to talk, become comfortable with silence. Being patient with your partner as they grieve is vital. Allow them all the time they need to process their loss.

This can be especially challenging when a couple is grieving together. You may heal faster than your partner, or you may feel like your partner is moving on too quickly. Recognizing that everyone handles grief in their own time is the key to coping as a couple.

Navigating the Grieving Process Yourself

If you’re experiencing grief yourself, you might feel completely alone in your pain. Your partner may not understand what you’re going through, but they’re here to support you. Here are three things you can do to stay strong as a couple as you grieve:

Don’t feel guilty for needing support.

Many people isolate themselves when they grieve because they feel guilty for asking for support. Your partner wants to help you, though. Just like you offer support when they’re unwell, your partner is here to help as you go through this painful experience. Try not to feel guilty for asking for support or for leaning on your partner as you grieve.

Tell your partner what you need.

Communicating in words can feel extremely challenging when you’re overwhelmed by grief. However, telling your partner what you need from them is essential for maintaining your health as a couple. Your partner may have the best possible intentions, but they can’t always anticipate your needs. If you need them to give you some space, let them know. If you want them to sit in silence with you, communicate that to them.

Allow yourself to grieve on your own timeline.

Just like your partner needs to be patient with you as you mourn, you also must be patient with yourself. Don’t try to force yourself to feel better or to move on within a certain timeline. Grief unfolds on its own, and all you can do is experience your emotions without judgment.

Dealing With an Unsupportive Partner

Unfortunately, not everyone is able or willing to offer the support their loved one needs during the grieving process. Your partner might be uncomfortable with the concept of grief and loss, or they may not know what to say to comfort you. If your partner tends to isolate or disconnect when going through a difficult time, you might feel like they’re pulling away from you when you need them the most. This is especially challenging when you’re both mourning the same person.

Open up to your partner about how you’re feeling. If they have a different style of grieving, they may not recognize what kind of support you need. When dealing with loss, everyone is stretched thin emotionally. Try to be extremely clear about your support needs when communicating with your partner so that they don’t have to guess.

If your partner continues to be unsupportive, look for support outside of your relationship. Lack of support is a serious issue in your relationship that should be addressed, but your priority right now is to get the help you need to process your grief. You could lean on family or friends during this time, or you could talk to a counselor about how you’re feeling.

How Loss Impacts the Entire Family

Loss can dramatically transform a family unit. If you lose someone in your immediate family, nothing feels the same. The loss of that person’s presence can create a feeling of emptiness within your family, especially in the early stages of grief. Family roles can also shift during the grieving process. The family member who always supported everyone else may now need the most support themselves. Because grief hits everyone differently, family members have to be compassionate with one another.

Family therapy can be an excellent way to explore how loss has impacted your family structure. During counseling, everyone has an opportunity to express their emotions. Each family member should feel seen and heard. Your counselor will help you and your family find ways to support one another and keep moving forward after your loss.

Individual therapy is important for processing a loss, too. If you feel like you can’t move through the grieving process alone, a counselor can help. Your therapist will offer a safe and supportive space for you to express yourself, and they can help you identify the steps you need to take to heal. Many people find grief support groups to be helpful as well. Connecting with others who are also mourning can help you feel less alone in your pain.

Couples Therapy for Grief

Losing a loved one can change you forever, and it can profoundly impact your relationship. Some people lean on their partner when going through grief, and others pull away. When one partner is grieving and can’t give their full energy to the relationship, the other partner may start to feel isolated or rejected. If you’re both grieving the same person, you might both be so emotionally drained that you just can’t show support to one another.

Couples therapy is a valuable resource for learning how to cope with grief and loss as a couple. You shouldn’t expect yourself to have perfect communication skills or perfect coping skills when you’re in such intense emotional distress. If you’re going through the grieving process as a couple, a mental health professional can provide you with the support you need to heal.

You can reach out to a couples therapist if you’re in the height of your grief, or you can start couples therapy if you feel like past grief has had a long-term impact on your relationship. Your counselor will help you understand and process your grief. Then, they’ll help you and your partner discover ways to strengthen your bond and improve your communication.

You may feel like nothing will be the same between you and your partner after a loss, but there is a path forward. By allowing yourself and your partner to grieve and seeking professional support when needed, you’ll take the vital first steps toward healing as a couple.

If you’re looking for a couples therapist in El Segundo CA, Soul 2 Soul Healing is here to help. We understand how grief can take a toll on a couple, but we have the tools and resources you need to make it through this challenging time. Contact us today to speak with a couples therapist in El Segundo.

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Mindfulness Meditation & Mindful Discipline Classes for Children

Mindfulness Meditation for children and adults is not just a technique but a way of life.

Mindfulness Meditation means ‘a cessation of the thought process?. It describes a state of consciousness when the mind is free of scattered thoughts and various patterns. The observer (one who is doing meditation) realizes that all the activity of the mind is reduced to one. With regular practice of a balanced series of techniques, the energy of the body and mind can be liberated and the quality of consciousness can be expanded.

It is within meditation you will find all the answers you seek and?an abundance of whatever you desire more of. For adults, it may be more love, happiness, creativity, energy, wealth and prosperity. For children, it may be improved focus, concentration, memory, behavior, and grades in school.

Contact us to find out about upcoming mindfulness classes for adults and children.

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